Dreams, dreams, dreams… We all have them, envisioning our dream lives, our dream jobs, our dream relationships.
Why don’t they always come true? Forget dreams. Sometimes you have a perfect plan and work tirelessly, yet the results remain stable, hovering around zero. No matter what you do, nothing seems to help you achieve a desired goal. Worse still, when you’re just about to get there, you self-sabotage for no apparent reason.
REASON 0 (ruled out): God is Testing Your Resilience
I remember a friend once saying, ‘It’s the Universe testing your stamina. If you want something too much, it’s curious whether you’re prepared to put in more effort.’ I wasn’t ready to buy into the mean Universe concept, but the underlying logic seemed akin to momentum-building.
There’s also a popular theory that as long as you keep complaining about not having something, the Universe will aim to prove you right. To attract anything, become what you want, and it will follow. This also made sense, echoing the act-as-if practice.
Yet, I still wondered if there could be more to my question. I recalled occasions when I thought of ideal outcomes, and they’d follow promptly like a magic spell. Conversely, I remembered wishing for other things vividly, visualising the outcomes in great detail, yet getting the opposite result. Read this article to learn when visualisation can prevent you from achieving your goal.
And worst of all, when I put in my best effort and achieved nothing. I looked back and could trace common traits.
1. Lack of Clarity Behind Your Motivation
Goals are overrated. We rarely work towards a goal just for the sake of it. It’d take quite a discipline and even that won’t necessarily help. However, think about what’s immediately beyond that goal: an outcome. And that’s the key driving force.
Let’s say you dream of a sports car. If your sole objective is to impress your mates from the neighbourhood, the dream will often remain a dream. However, if your key motivation is how you’ll feel driving that car, that might push you forward.
You see, the brain always aims to pick the most economical route to accomplishment. If there’s a simpler way to impress your mates why care about a car? Even more so, why care about doing anything other than dreaming? That feels quite fulfilling on its own, doesn’t it?
One of the common reasons people lack a sense of fulfilment at the finish line, or worse, fail to achieve their goals, is that they don’t take time to think about the desired outcomes of pursued achievements. Neither do they anticipate potential pitfalls that might throw them unprepared off balance.
2. Your Brain Doesn’t Take You Seriously
Let’s say you don’t have a driving license yet. Be rest assured, that until you sort your classes out, your brain will think you’re in a dreamland. That isn’t far from reality unless you want to buy a car for practice to get that license. But in this case, you’d probably buy a cheaper car that fits your current requirements. If you fancy a supercar beyond your budget, it’s becoming more than a necessity, which we tend to get.
However, this sets goals apart: required time, extra effort, and the desire to accomplish something extraordinary.
On the contrary, the key distinction between a dream and a goal is what you truly believe you can accomplish. If you’re certain you’ll have that car within a year. And that’s realistically achievable with your current resources — you’ll get the license sorted. However, if you don’t have any income, spending your last savings on a license wouldn’t be a sign of belief. It’d be a sign of foolishness. Because you know that no license will buy you a car, but an income will.
By being clear and realistic about your priorities and current circumstances versus desires, you can structure your wish list to make your aspirations achievable.
This doesn’t mean you stop dreaming big and reduce your ambition. Yet, a gradual approach versus an attempt for an overnight leap is more sustainable for continuous progress and, albeit it might seem slower, it’s more likely to bring dreams and goals to fruition.
3. Conflict of Interest
It’s ok to have several desires, and it’s useful to keep them in mind while focusing on your major goal. This way you ensure you don’t sacrifice one area of your life in favour of another. Surely, at different stages of life, our priorities change — that’s useful to keep in mind to avoid unnecessary stress when you tend to believe that you could’ve done better. Equally, cross-check your goals against your higher aspirations to avoid internal conflicts.
For example, if you don’t know how to drive, not only will your brain not take you seriously, it might get concerned about your safety if you jump behind the wheel of a racing car before you’re an established driver. This will result in self-sabotage because, for your unconscious mind, your safety is a higher priority.
Another case is when we unintentionally link our aspirations to struggles, sacrificing the present moment for delayed gratification. This leads to a postponed life, where we promise ourselves happiness one day while creating negative neuro-associations between desired outcomes and our current activities and emotional states. A great example is saying, ‘I’ll start enjoying myself when I make my first million,’ or ‘I’ll join others for a summer camp next year when I’m in better shape.’ Your brain can only read what makes you unhappy, and it seems that’s either your activities or a goal that causes you to sacrifice joy.
4. You Don’t Know What You Want
What is it that you want? Your dad might’ve said it’d be good to study Law. Your mum might’ve said it’s time to settle down. Vogue said it was time to go vegan. Netflix showed it was cool to drive a Ferrari. Or whatever it might be. Then, one day, you look around trying to figure out how you ended up in all that mess called Your Life that doesn’t resonate with you.
It might not be that dramatic. However, you’ve got to be crystal clear about what you want. To save yourself from being a puppet of others’ word maps and limiting beliefs, figure out what matters to you. Start with vision and values. That’ll help identify the roadmap and milestones.
No matter how trendy or promising something on a logical level is, it should also resonate with your deep desires and priorities. Otherwise, you’ll keep unenthusiastically pushing in the wrong direction, fighting bouts of self-sabotage due to conflicting aspirations.
5. You’re Stuck in Analysis Paralysis
Take a step — even when uncertain. Overthinking and overanalysing the best outcome doesn’t speed the progress. Take a step and improve things as you go — save time, don’t overthink. By the end of the day, you only learn from experience. If you make a mistake, well done, you figured out a way not to do things.
Take yourself easier, don’t beat yourself up for an undesired outcome, and treat everything as an experiment. This mindset will help you eliminate a fear preventing you from progress and, consequently, growth.
For simple decisions, try the ‘count to 10’ method — by the time you count to 10 make a decision. For more complex or fundamental choices, check out this approach to intuitive decision-making.
6. You Don’t Believe It’s Achievable
With some goals, we get excited and experience an inner drive. For a while. While other goals we want to achieve so badly that seemingly no power on Earth can stop us. This difference in emotional intensity sets apart the wishes, never leaving the Dreamland, from materialised goals, which change the quality of our lives.
If your goal feels too ambitious, you’ll struggle to stay accountable. If your goal seems too complex, it might start feeling overwhelming and it’ll be harder to remain inspired. Break down large goals into smaller, manageable steps. This will help to make them more achievable and help maintain a positive, motivated mindset. Believing in your ability to achieve your goals fuels the drive to realise them.
When you don’t believe you deserve or can achieve your goal, you manifest that belief through your actions and inaction. In the end, all the Genie got to say is: ‘Yes, my Lord.’
7. You Keep Changing Your Course of Action
While it is important to be flexible, constantly changing your approach can lead to failure. Consistency is key. It’s okay to amend your vision as you progress, yet drastic changes in your plan every time you encounter obstacles can prevent progress. Stick to a clear path and make minor adjustments as needed.
8. You Do Nothing Other Than Relying on the Genie
Yes, there’s common knowledge that all you need to focus on is your goal or outcome and the Universe will find the best way to make your wish come true. While it’s good not to tell the Genie how to deliver your wish specifically — if you don’t rub that bottle, the Genie won’t pop out.
Surely, we can sit and wait and do nothing in hope. Hope can materialise or might not. More often, it’s the latter. Yet, if you put in your best effort to achieve something, you’re sending a message to the Universe that you believe in what you do and are determined to succeed. It might happen that you’ll achieve the desired outcome differently. But the keyword here is: achieve.
9. You’re Not Ready to Part with Your Comfort Zone
Change is uncomfortable, but it’s necessary for growth. If you’re not ready to step out of your comfort zone, you’ll struggle to get closer to achieving your goals. Embrace the discomfort of growth and push through the barriers that hold you back.
Dreams require action. Without taking concrete steps, dreams remain fantasies. The comfort zone offers safety but limits growth and achievement. Embrace the challenges and uncertainties that come with pursuing your goals. This readiness to act signals your commitment to fulfil your potential.
Whenever you feel uncomfortable stepping out of an established territory of comfort, ask yourself whether this is what you’d settle for should you have had all the resources required and were the best version of yourself living the Life beyond your dreams. If the answer is No, then it’s time to remind yourself that you have all the required resources within you. And that all is needed only a tiny bold belief that you can and the willingness to step forward outside your familiar zone.
10. You Leave Your Success to Chance Instead of Treating It as a Must
We all receive necessities. Remember, you’ll get whatever you consider necessary because your brain sees it as essential for survival. And when we treat something as a basic need versus a great-to-have luxury we tend to feel and act differently, taking the former more seriously and not making it optional whether we can achieve it.
Sometimes it helps to write down your goals and desired outcomes to make them feel real. It starts resembling a to-do list. That tricks your brain, signalling that you aren’t just daydreaming but planning, so it’s better to start gathering the required resources to help your achievement.
However, all to-do lists require action. Dreaming of something without putting in effort won’t help. Without action, our dreams will remain just that – dreams.
The Genie is busy helping everyone. He needs to ensure you are up for what you’re requesting. Maybe that’s how the Universe tests our resilience to see if our wish is sincere.
Conclusion
Understanding why dreams don’t come true can help you overcome obstacles and achieve your goals. Clarify your motivations, believe in your ability to succeed, stay consistent, and take actionable steps. By addressing these key areas, you can bring yourself closer to materialising even your most ambitious goals.
