Understanding Emotional Discomfort
Our emotions are complex reflections of our satisfaction with life circumstances, which may or may not align with our expectations. This alignment, or lack thereof, determines our emotional states. When we feel bad, it is often because a situation or our life circumstances don’t match our desired or anticipated outcomes. This discrepancy can create a sense of unease or dissatisfaction, leading to negative emotions.
However, asking yourself, ‘Why do I feel low?’ can sometimes lead down a path of seeking excuses or deflecting responsibility. A more productive approach is to ask, ‘What is this feeling telling me, and what can I do about it?’ This shift in perspective directs our focus inward, emphasising what we can control: our reactions and responses to situations.
The Power of Framing and Self-Inquiry
The way we frame our questions can significantly impact our mental and emotional well-being. Asking ‘Why’ questions can often lead to rationalisations or blame, which are not particularly helpful in managing emotions. Instead, questions like “What’s in it for me?” help direct our attention to our internal responses and the actions we can take.
We can’t always change the circumstances we face, but we do have the power to adapt to them, accept them, or alter our emotional responses. If a situation no longer serves our well-being, we also have the option to leave it. It’s important to recognise that while we can create new environments, these will come with their own challenges and circumstances. Therefore, the key lies in becoming comfortable with our emotional responses, not necessarily the environment itself.
Recognising and Understanding Reactions
Feeling bad often comes as a result of a clash between our wants and perceived obligations, as well as the gap between our expectations and reality. This mismatch can manifest emotional discomfort or a feeling of unease. It’s crucial to understand these reactions as signals guiding us toward areas in our lives that may need attention or change.
To better understand our emotional responses and manage our states, ask yourself:
‘What about this situation/outcome that bugs me?’
‘What’s the reason I keep thinking about that?’
‘What makes me react this way?’
These questions can help uncover the underlying beliefs or assumptions that contribute to your emotional state. By identifying these, you can work towards resolving internal conflicts or adjusting your expectations to better align with reality.
Do also ask yourself:
‘If I had a choice over my states how would I choose to react differently?’
And then, the next time a troubling situation occurs, imagine that you have a choice over your emotional responses, and notice how that makes you feel.
The Challenge of Emotional Change
Changing our emotional states sometimes might be more challenging than changing our external conditions. Emotions can cling to us more tenaciously than clothes, requiring a conscious effort to alter. Unlike external circumstances, which we might change by moving to a new place or changing jobs, emotions require internal work. This involves understanding our reactions, reframing our perspectives, and sometimes, practising acceptance and letting things go.
Moving Forward
Ultimately, our emotional responses and physical reactions are valuable signals. They guide us toward areas that may require action or reflection. By being mindful of our emotions and the questions we ask ourselves, we can move with more grace and ease through the complexities of our lives. The goal is not to eliminate negative emotions entirely but to understand them, learn from them, and use them as catalysts for personal growth and improved well-being.
Feeling bad is a natural part of the human experience. It signals a need for change, whether in our external environment or our internal attitudes. By focusing on what we can control — our responses — we can better manage our emotions and quality of life.
