Unhappiness. If you were to define it in simple terms, you probably would reach a logical conclusion that it’s essentially a survival mechanism alerting our brain that something is amiss.
You might well be happy, but as long as you’re seeking this state you might not realise that you’ve already reached a desired destination. The perceived absence of what we crave triggers the unhappiness hormones, creating a vicious circle where the pursuit of happiness ironically leads us astray from it.
On the flip side, imagine being perpetually happy. Pretty soon you’d get bored out of your mind. As a result, some of us, even in seemingly perfect circumstances, without realising start self-sabotaging, creating struggles and challenges. It’s as if they wish to experience happiness, which is only recognised and fully appreciated in its absence.
Defining Happiness
What exactly is happiness? According to a formal definition, it’s a state of well-being and contentment. Essentially, it’s a neutral state of harmony with ourselves.
Often we label as happiness a sudden shift in our emotional state, supported by the increase of chemicals like oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins.
They act as neurotransmitters, sending information to our brain that it’s time to get high. Seemingly, knowing how to trigger the secretion of those chemicals, we could constantly remain in a peaceful state of joy. But is that what we’re looking for? And is being high always synonymous with joy?
Sometimes All It Takes is to Look Around to Realise You’ve Reached the Destination
So, what is responsible for our emotional states? Is it hormones, the habit of being happy or unhappy? Or an intelligent ability to remain objective, when we’re pleased or dissatisfied with our life circumstances?
Constantly seeking contentment might side-track us from being present in the moment and reflect on what’s happening. Apart from that, this can boost the secretion of unhappiness hormones, creating paradoxical neuro-associations signalling to our brain that sought-after happiness is the cause of our disturbance.
An Overdose-prevention Mechanism
In everyday life, barring chronic conditions like depression which require specialist intervention, various activities and practices can impact the release of chemicals influencing our mood. For example, sun and hugs boost serotonin, love triggers oxytocin, while sports and achievements release endorphins and dopamine.
However, it’s important to be mindful that after a sudden surge of emotions, our body, being an intelligent system, aims to return to a neutral baseline to avoid constant peak functioning.
This is why some people feel down after motivational seminars. After the initial peak state of excitement, boosted by endorphins, subsides it gets replaced by an experience seemingly of a lower emotional intensity.
Awareness here is crucial so that your primal brain doesn’t start freaking out, wondering where the happiness is gone each time your system returns to the calmness that might feel odd at the start. Yet, it’s simply a recharging state. Enjoy it. Otherwise, if you start getting stressed, your body will eject the unhappiness hormones, and before you notice, you’re in a downturn.
Avoiding Striking Fluctuations
It’s tempting to remain constantly high. However, that’s similar to playing loud music non-stop. As you get accustomed to the volume you require it to be turned higher, progressively deviating from the norm until the normal speech becomes inaudible. But, if your physical ability remains the same, continuously increased volume can blast your eardrums.
Like any other muscle, your ‘happiness muscle’ needs to be developed gradually, where you combine peak states with the rest.
To ensure you don’t shift far from a neutral state, it’s important to maintain your awareness of emotional and physiological responses to various activities and thoughts. Then it’s you controlling your emotions, not the other way around.
Happiness as a Source of Unhappiness
The constant pursuit of happiness signals our brain that we are unhappy, triggering the release of stress hormones like cortisol.
Gradually, this may result in apathy, where certain postures and breathing create behavioural and neurological patterns reinforcing a low emotional state. We become accustomed to this condition, gravitating towards a newly established comfort zone. And albeit on a conscious level it might disturb us, we glue to this new norm, self-sabotaging our success.
Chronic elevation of cortisol can also lead to a range of health issues, including anxiety, depression, and other mood disorders.
When individuals are perpetually stressed, their bodies remain in a heightened state of alert, constantly producing cortisol. This leads to a feedback loop where the body becomes accustomed to high levels of stress hormones. To break free from the cycle of unhappiness, we start seeking happiness. That increases stress even more: the brain interprets this pursuit as an indicator of something missing, elevating cortisol levels further.
Addiction to Unhappiness & Painoholics
Habitual unhappiness is a phenomenon represented by a constant battle of dissatisfaction, regardless of external circumstances. This cycle is often driven by biochemical processes and psychological patterns that reinforce a state of chronic discontent.
Turning into ‘painoholics’ these individuals unconsciously seek out situations that reinforce their negative emotional state to support their ingrained limiting beliefs. This behaviour is often rooted in low self-esteem, learned helplessness, and a deep-seated belief that a person doesn’t deserve better.
This leads to self-sabotaging attitudes, such as procrastination, choosing unsuitable partners, or creating conflicts, which perpetuate perceived unhappiness. These unconscious choices are driven by an underlying need to support negative self-beliefs. The body and mind, being used to a certain biochemical state, start craving the stress hormones associated with unhappiness, akin to drug addicts.
Breaking this cycle requires boosting confidence and interrupting established behavioural patterns.
Where Does Happiness Live
To recognise happiness within, we need to become attuned to finding it in calmness, noticing its constant presence in harmony when we’re at our baseline. It’s like air — not always a good sign when it starts stinking. Yet, when it’s natural, we barely notice it.
Finding contentment in neutrality, we might realise that we require much smaller doses to recognise the shift towards what we call feeling better. Happiness is largely attributed to perception and interpretation.
Embracing the present moment can lead to a more fulfilling and joyful life. Remember, happiness is not a destination but a journey, and it can be found in simple, everyday moments of life.
Gradual Growth vs. Sudden Surge
Gradually growing our emotional states through calming activities like yoga, meditation, warm baths, or mindfulness leads to better balance.
Contrary to a range of intense activities or those requiring external parties — like a loved one nearby — that trigger a rapid boost of feel-good chemicals, true happiness comes from within.
The mastery of recognising happiness in moments of peace in seemingly nothing allows it to bloom at the smallest spark, preventing the need for enormous efforts to experience joy.
Practical Tips for Balance
To achieve balance, experiment for a short while, like a month, cutting out activities that serve as emotional leverage.
Aim to avoid reacting too strongly to perceived good or bad events, accepting everything as an experience. When faced with a challenging situation, disassociate from it, observe from the outside, and think it through rather than respond emotionally. Don’t suppress emotions, rather acknowledge and understand them. And reflect on everything that happens outside your control, including the past as a lesson.
Eventually, you’ll notice how small things can bring great joy.
Conclusion
Until we find happiness within, we will continue in a meaningless pursuit of external circumstances to influence our mood. We must take responsibility for our emotional states and drive them in a desired direction, rather than blame or praise others or circumstances.
By understanding the role of stress hormones, recognising patterns of addiction to negative emotions, and implementing practical strategies for emotional balance, one can break free from the cycle of habitual unhappiness.
Discovering happiness in neutrality and peace allows us to appreciate the small moments and prevents the urge for significant efforts to feel good.
Ultimately, happiness is a state of mind, influenced by our perceptions and interpretations. Through self-reflection and managing our emotional responses and habits, we can achieve a balanced and contented life, free from the constant pursuit of fleeting highs.
