Emotions are undeniably a vital part of a human being — they colour our experiences and shape who we are. But, they can also become formidable barriers to our progress when happening haphazardly, taking over our thoughts, feelings and consequently the quality of our lives.
Our beliefs can trigger certain emotional responses without our awareness. And yet, our emotional state can act as a catalyst for new beliefs, which either hinder or empower our growth. Knowing this mechanism helps us to trace and control our emotional reactions. Not how you display or ‘masterfully’ hide them, but how you feel about things. It’s through becoming a master of awareness and conscious choices of how to react that one becomes a master of their fate.
Changing How You Feel in an Instant
Our emotions can change in the blink of an eye. Quite remarkable, isn’t it? Well, provided you’re the one holding the reins of that change versus someone experiencing a gamut of emotions manipulated by some unseen hand.
We’ve all been there: suddenly feeling low, frightened, bewildered, or trapped. Yet, how about feeling an abrupt surge of euphoria amidst adversity? Or empowered while grappling with uncertainty? Or uplifted even when our thoughts resemble nought but a fog of confusion? Achieving this, especially at will, may appear an unconquerable feat.
Why Would You Care?
All emotions transform over time. Feelings about events tend to fade gradually away. One day, we stop caring. Yet, this day might take days or might take decades. Meanwhile, these lingering emotions poison the quality of our lives, holding us back.
Think for a moment about an occasion when you felt utterly dreadful. On a scale of 1 to 10, how productive were you?
Now, recall a time when you felt absolutely amazing. On that productivity scale of 1 to 10, where would you place yourself back then?
REGAIN CONTROL OVER YOUR EMOTIONS:
Our emotional states are intertwined with our feelings, propelled by our thoughts rooted in our beliefs. And while our thoughts act as swift catalysts, capable of steering our state in either direction before we notice, they take time to manage. The good news is that our states can be altered not only by the power of a notion but also by our breath and posture that are your portable first aid kit for any life event.
To address both momentary mood swings and ingrained emotional responses to diverse triggers, let’s consider different ways to gather empowering states that’ll serve you in the long haul:
1. Changing Posture and Breathing
Time to Ring a Bell
Give this exercise a try. Start by standing up and vigorously shaking your entire body. If done properly, you might observe a slight shift in your feelings. And, quite possibly, as you return to your chair, you might notice that you’re sitting with a more upright posture.
Alternatively, you could experiment with jumping up and down or mimicking a high-intensity jog on the spot. The primary aim here is to learn how to break a state. This is particularly useful when there’s seemingly no other force on Earth to lift you out of that feeling-down state (could be confusion, paralysis, reluctance, puzzlement — or any state that makes you feel demotivated or disinterested, preventing you from moving forward).
In such instances, it’s crucial to ‘extract’ that feeling from your body. While our minds and bodies are integral parts of the same system, stressing one component triggers a shift in the other.
Imagine if your body was a building — shaking it up prompts the inhabitants to think, ‘What’s going on?’ Similarly, we’re sending a signal to our mind that we’re not content with the current state of things so that it doesn’t dare to settle into a feeling of despair. Besides, we’re essentially a network of wires, influencing various biochemical and neurological responses. To alter our mindsets, sometimes we have to alter our physical state first.
Breathe to Even It Out
Now, take a moment to inhale deeply through your nose, expanding your chest, as you count to four. Then, pause for two seconds and exhale slowly through your mouth, counting to eight. Pause for two seconds before you take the next breath. Carry on for the next couple of minutes.
And, as you’re breathing this way, notice, how your posture is straightening even further, and your pulse and thoughts are slowing down, while your emotions are gradually becoming more neutral.
There are multiple breathing techniques. The 4:2:8:2 ratio is just one example. Other variations include breathing into your abdomen, which promotes a sense of calmness, akin to how eating carbs improves your mood, though in a healthier and quicker manner.
Another option would be the 4:4:4:4 breathing pattern. With plenty of breathing techniques available, you can find what works best for you.
It’s worth noting that the closer you are to a neutral state — neither low nor hyper states are productive in the long run — the clearer your mind will be. Ideally, this is what you want if aiming for a balance of high performance and well-being.
2. Changing Your State at a Speed of a Thought
There’s always a reason we feel a certain way about something — a moment we’re honest with ourselves, we set ourselves free. Yet, we won’t find an answer until we know the right question to ask.
If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation like this, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Sometimes a single word can alter your entire mood.
I remember one situation that wouldn’t let me go for days. Not only could I not brush that whole thing off my mind, but I would also get distracted and slow down each time I thought of it. Eventually, I asked myself — what bothered me? Would I care if I had alternative options?
In a split second, relief washed over me and my mind got clear: the issue wasn’t the situation itself, but rather my reliance on a single solution. Should I have pursued a diversified approach it’d have prevented me from being cornered by a significant outcome or its absence from a single source. Applying multiple strategies would’ve enabled me to achieve greater efficiency and also allowed me to tackle an issue from various angles simultaneously.
Tracing the Cause
While tracing the cause of irritation isn’t always a quick process, once you identify it you can dissolve a troubling feeling. In my case, the root of the problem was in the present moment, making resolution relatively quick.
Surely, it’s more challenging when a person has a deeply ingrained emotional response, that’s been developed or adopted in childhood and became an automatic reaction to certain types of issues. To avoid falling into the trap of overanalysing ourselves and to steer clear of specialist territories, let’s focus on managing what we can control — what lies within our conscious recollection.
By reflecting on situations without guesswork, we can interrupt the patterns of recurring behaviours and emotional responses that no longer serve us.
Remember, it’s rarely a situation that troubles us as such. Rather, it’s how we perceive and feel about it. To change this we need to find what specifically in that situation, or what’s in us about that situation, triggered that emotional response.
Start with Asking the Right Questions
Picture yourself at a significant reception, where someone accidentally splashes a glass of red on your new outfit. To amplify the scenario, imagine you’re wearing a beige or white suit or gown.
While one person might not be overly stressed by this mishap, perhaps only slightly upset or annoyed, someone else might experience intense embarrassment or irritation.
If someone were to ask Why you feel embarrassed or annoyed — if that’s your case — it might sound like a futile question. Some people even might respond with statements like: ‘Haven’t you seen what just happened?’ or ‘How would you feel in my place?’
Be mindful of how you frame your questions. For example, the question ‘Why’ may inadvertently lead to excuses, as it often elicits responses centred on circumstances beyond our control, hence deflecting our responsibility for the event. Aim to direct your attention towards yourself and what you can control.
Contrary to that, responses to questions like: ‘What about that situation made me feel a certain way?’ would shed some light on what matters to you.
Either it’s embarrassment, annoyance, or anger — a label doesn’t matter. What’s more important, as a next step, is to understand what you felt specifically that you described as embarrassment — or whatever emotion you stated. This would help you to look at a situation as an observer, becoming more reflective rather than reactive. Meanwhile, this will help you to get acquainted with your kinaesthetic signals. As well as detach from the emotional labels that sometimes make us perceive a situation in a more dramatic way than it is. Just think how different it makes you feel when you say ‘horrible’ versus ‘inconvenient.’ Sometimes taking these worn-out stickers off already does half a job.
Once your conscious mind, not only emotional responses, is on board, it’s time to ask yourself: ‘Under which circumstance would I feel differently should a similar event occur?’
Next, ask yourself, ‘What makes that alternative scenario different?’ This will help you gauge your priorities.
Furthermore, pondering, ‘How else could I behave or would I behave in an alternative situation?’ sheds light on alternative behaviours.
Ultimately, when you answer the right question the troubling emotional state tends to dissipate.
MAKE IT YOUR SECOND NATURE TO CHALLENGE YOUR FEELINGS IF THEY TROUBLE YOU
Make it a habit to reflect and challenge any feelings whenever you find yourself in an unresourceful state. This practice will enable you to maintain control over your mood versus letting yourself be a mere puppet of your emotions.
For instance, consider receiving a rejection letter after applying for a job. Ask yourself: ‘Is it this specific rejection that troubles me? Would I care if I had other job offers on hand?’ If the answer is ‘No’ then you probably know that all you need to do is to secure more options.
Your feelings could’ve also been triggered by a fear of uncertainty or an inability to handle rejection. If it’s the latter, you’ll need to delve into its roots, a topic we’ll explore in other articles.
However, if it is about that particular job, try to figure out which aspects of it — the company and the role — appeared as special to you. Consider what you hoped to achieve by securing that position and imagine how your life would’ve looked like if you had landed that job.
Then, ask yourself how else you can attain that desired lifestyle and those outcomes. Remember, there are various routes to any destination and any job is simply a vehicle.
Patterns Across the Board
Indeed, a job is just one example — it may not necessarily reflect your situation. Whether you’re dealing with facing rejection in a romantic context or failing to secure a promising contract for your business, the underlying mechanics remain the same. It’s just different scenarios presenting similar challenges.
The patterns behind our emotional responses tend to remain relatively consistent across various areas of our lives. However, since we seldom find a perfect balance across all these areas, our emotional responses also vary from one part of life to another depending on current priorities.
While we may become adept at masking our emotions in public, we still experience them intensely when left to confront them on our own, particularly when the stakes are high.
It’s Not Always You to Blame
In pursuit of certain goals that aren’t fully aligned with our deep values or belief systems, we may experience discomfort. These feelings can be tricky to interpret, and we may mistakenly diagnose ourselves with self-sabotage when failing to achieve desired outcomes. Yet, it’s important to be mindful, that sometimes, chasing current trends or trying to fulfil someone’s expectations, we set goals at a conscious level that might be incongruent with our fundamental priorities and core aspirations. READ this article on Decision-Making to start discovering what you truly want.
Remember, it’s not a goal or an outcome but what we perceive they’ll make us feel — that’s what we’re truly craving for. So, to find a way, focus on the right destination from the start, pursuing the options that align with your feelings.
Just an Alarm
Emotions aren’t there to torture you; once we find an answer or solution they tend to leave us in peace. Their key purpose is to bring your attention to a certain cause — regardless of whether it’s happiness or sadness, and other associated states. And, in case, there’s an issue that requires to be addressed, until it’s resolved it’ll keep nudging you with the sense of discomfort.
Of course, you always have a choice. To shut an alarm and go back to sleep. Or stand up, even when you don’t feel like it, straighten up your shoulders and go in the best shape to that metaphorical meeting that might change your entire life.
In Conclusion
Our emotional states serve as the foundation of our performance, possessing the power to fuel or dampen our passion, influencing our desire to take action at any moment. Whether we’re feeling up or down emotions play a significant role.
Especially during challenging times, our persistence depends on how we feel. Our ability to manage our emotions stands behind our focus, determination, and overall outlook, defining our ability to achieve the desired outcome and overall success of our endeavours.
BONUS Exercise for When You Feel Lost
Shake your body off. Do the breathing exercise until you have that feeling of calmness and relaxation. And, now, remember yourself in a situation when you knew what to do and were incredibly driven. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in that situation. Recreate the scene fully, hearing the sounds and seeing things around you.
Notice what you feel at that moment. If that feeling were to move in any direction could you try and spin it forward? And now observe how that feeling intensifies within you.
Imagine starting to address the issue or a project on hand. See how well you’re handling it. Notice how well you’re feeling about it.
Take a deep breath in and out. Open your eyes and take a first step towards your challenging project while bringing new feelings and reinforcing your empowering beliefs that you can do it and have all the necessary resources and knowledge within you now.
