Life is full of opportunities. The downside of this abundance is a plethora of choices, some of which we regret for as little as a moment or as long as a lifetime. Consequently, some might get stuck in the past, unable to remove the mental shackles and move forward to live a fulfilling life.
The first thing to remember is that there are no inherently right or wrong choices. In an absolute sense, it’s all about the alternatives that set us on different paths. Yet, when we don’t like an outcome, we call it a wrong choice.
“There’s No Failure Only Feedback”
One of the cornerstone presuppositions of NLP invites us to utilise all of our experiences. Yet, when you’re in a state of regret, it’s tricky to simply brush it off your mind, pick out the useful bits, and discard the mental garbage that pulls us down.
It’s draining to carry the baggage of the past. Yet, while most of us are capable of acknowledging when we did something wrong, even if we learn from that experience, it’s not always easy to move on. Especially in situations where we feel we’ve made a fundamentally wrong decision. How different would our week, month, year, or life have been if we had pursued an alternative route?
Stop Regrets, Overcome the Past, and Start Fresh
You can keep regretting trying to catch a train that’s already left. Or, you can get better equipped and catch the one that’s due to arrive, allowing it to take you on a new, full of excitement journey.
While you can’t always choose the circumstances or see the full picture to make the best choice, it’s in your hands whether to feel guilt and regret a poor decision endlessly or to move on with life, closing the past chapter like an already completed lesson.
How to Overcome Regret of Bad Decisions
“Regret is a reflection of unmet expectations that are often a result of a failure to stick to your plan.
We always make the best decision for that moment given the resources we have. When you feel bad about a past decision, step above the context and see if that situation aligned at that moment with your higher-level aspirations.
Every decision brings us to where we are and offers new realisations. Even if we regret something, we wouldn’t have known the alternative unless we gave it a go and made what we consider a ‘wrong’ choice.
The Power of Honesty
The issue isn’t in the mistakes we make — we’re all humans and mistakes are part of a learning curve to experiment and figure out the best approach. The real problem is getting stuck in the guilt of making a wrong decision.
Stop beating yourself up. Often, we do that because we realise we could’ve made a different choice available at that moment. Be honest with yourself, regardless of whether you regret an outcome. We are always driven by internal motives. Admit yours. Remind yourself of a reason behind your choice in the moment. Why have you made a certain choice over another one? The future unfolded and revealed the next chapter. If it were a different story, more aligned with your expectations, would have you made the same choice? The moment you go through an honest recollection of a past event and the reasons behind your decisions and actions or lack of those, you’ll be surprised how quickly you get a sense of relief.
Once you’ve made your conclusion, reflecting on a situation, you’ll be far more likely to make decisions aligned with your true values and self-identity moving forward. And these are the choices we rarely regret even if they are uncomfortable.
Be True to Yourself
Another reason behind regret often comes from the fact that we planned to do or say something but then we did something else instead and in retrospect, we don’t like the outcome.
When we act on our instincts, we rarely blame ourselves for the outcome. However, when we ignore our instincts and let logic or circumstances lead us astray, regret is born. If you made an instinctive decision, stick to it. At least you’ll know it was your choice and you’ll feel better knowing you dared to act according to your desires.
"When we act according to our gut feelings, we are less likely to experience regret, even if things don’t turn out as expected.
Moving Forward: Way Out of Disappointment
The first thing is to recognise the best intentions that drove our choice. Think about your reasons in the moment of decision-making.
Admit that you made the best decision given the knowledge and resources you had at the time. Sometimes, it takes that experience to become aware of an alternative outcome that allows us to come up with an alternative judgment.
Practice self-compassion, treating yourself with the same degree of kindness and understanding you would offer a friend in a similar situation.
Let go of the ‘What Ifs’. Continuously pondering “what if” scenarios can trap you in a cycle of regret. Accept that you cannot know all possible outcomes and that the path you chose has its unique value.
“Stop beating yourself up. Figured a better way — try it next time. Sometimes it’s only experience that gives us a clue about alternatives.
Choose Contentment Before Decision-making
Moving forward, always emphasise a reason you are making a certain choice or decision before you make it. If necessary, draft all the options and potential outcomes you’re contemplating, and then choose one. Make it crystal clear why you favoured a certain choice or course of action.
Promise yourself to treat these decisions as experiments to see what the outcome might be. Approach a result as a scientist — unbiased and curious about an outcome. Our disappointment often comes from a failure to manipulate a desired result. Yet, life is full of unknowns and we often are unaware of them until we give it a go and test our options. To save yourself from regret, remain in an observer’s shoes and watch what’s yet to come.
Ultimately, any outcome might be a disappointment — we never know, and perception plays a huge role here. Equally, every outcome can be a fascinating discovery. Remember we live only once, so allow yourself to have fun and experiment. Of course, another alternative is to remain motionless — that prevents mistakes. As well as fulfilment.
And aim to follow your guts rather than your brain. We might not always know consciously what’s possible without experiencing it, yet our unconscious might communicate with us through emotional impulses.
Focus on the Present
Regret keeps you anchored in the past, but life happens in the present. Focus on what you can do now to create a better future. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment, and let go of the past.
Remember, it’s better to try something and realise you don’t like it versus regretting never trying it. Make peace with your past, thanking it for guiding you towards a brighter future.
