Adaptability
‘Adaptability is the power,’ Paul broke the ice of anticipation, while I was anxiously unpacking my bag after making it to the room just on the dot.
Dr Paul McKenna, a world-renowned hypnotist, was yet to be accompanied on stage by another remarkable genius, who dedicated his life to studying the complexity of human minds and behaviours — Dr Richard Bandler — co-creator of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming).
Internal Representation
‘We all are great hypnotists,’ said Paul.
‘Sure thing you are,’ I thought, looking around the conference room filled with a hypnotised audience clutching on each of his words as Paul was sharing about an impact of our internal dialogue.
Albeit still in split mind, re-assessing every statement to pick what resonates with me, I couldn’t disagree with him.
Just remember how many times you told yourself that you couldn’t do something until one day you finally got convinced and started acting according to your new disempowering belief.
He carried on, sharing that the human nervous system doesn’t know the difference between real and imaginary. It’s not about what happens to us, it’s how we remember or feel about these events.
‘I wish it’d be that simple,’ I said to myself, still reliving my past week, blaming myself for not organising things better, and not saying No when I could, that’d allow me to stick to my perfect plan and utilise suddenly arose opportunities.
Our internal representation, i.e. the way we see and remember things, alongside our psychology influences our states, and that inevitably affects our behaviours.
I caught myself nodding to that, realising how much dropped my shoulders under the heavy weight from my reflection over the past few days.
Emotional States
‘“I’m depressed,” said that woman.’ Shared a part of his conversation with a client Dr Bandler once he got on stage. ‘“How do you know.” I asked her. “Maybe you’ve got the wrong title and in reality you’re happy?”’
People tend to label everything. They say: I’m anxious. No, you have a feeling that you call anxiety. Call it Apple. How does it feel to have an apple?
The audience broke into laughter.
‘That’s right,’ said Richard, ‘that’s what you should do more often.’
Humour is good. Endorphins and oxytocin, that’s how we change our neurology.
Good mood helps learn quickly. Like kids who learn through playing. Adults take things too seriously. That’s why they struggle to learn new things.
Focus on Desired Outcomes
People are good at imagining their failures. No surprise they get disappointed by the results. If only they could take that skill and apply it in picturing what they want.
Prominent athletes, on the contrary, vividly imagine anticipated victories, engaging not only their vision but also their micro-muscles. Training their bodies and mindsets.
We can spend years analysing our past and our behaviours. Instead, we need to change our behavioural responses and learn to control our fears. The quickest way to change patterns is to change neurology.
Remember, whatever we believe in we manifest through our behaviour. The idea of who you are or what you can do leads to thoughts — reinforced by inner dialogue — and your self-representation that evolves into feelings.
To change patterns — change how you picture things.
See yourself differently. Imagine who you want to be. Step into that image, and feel what you’d feel if you were the best version of your succeeding self. Notice the change in your posture, and your breathing, as well as how you see and do things differently.
In the same way, you can adopt your role models’ behaviours to utilise their patterns.
Rear Mirror
‘If you were to live 107 years you’d be far more disappointed than if were you to live 60,’ said Dr Bandler.
At these words, I remembered the interviews with renowned athletes who admittedly had far more failures than any wanna-be’s discovering pretty soon they were not gifted and hence not good enough to pursue their short-lived passions.
People have a habit of looking back trying to discover the answers in the past. Imagine driving a car. ‘If the rearview mirror were as big as a windshield we’d all be dead.’
‘The change is inevitable.’ Tony Robbins’ words popped into my head. Whether you choose to get stuck in the past or to move forward.
As said Dr Bandler — the master of re-framing: frame your negative experiences, don’t let your past expand its boundaries floating into your future.
Overcoming Withdrawal Syndrome
It’s important to plan how to get where you want to be, shared Dr Bandler.
There’s no magic potion without commitment, self-awareness and willingness to stick to your plan.
For example, when people are determined to quit smoking or change any deeply-rooted behaviour they need to be prepared and aware of upcoming withdrawal syndrome. You can’t always change biochemistry in an instant but you can change how you react to impulses and how you act.
For that, you need to have compelling reasons to be aware of the best outcomes should you persist with a change versus the worst potential future should you let existing behaviour maintain control over your life.
It’s ok to not feel good thinking about the latter — because rarely progress comes from a place of comfort. The same as it’s ok not to be comfortable during the withdrawal period from your established behaviour.
And to help you with this, whenever you doubt you can achieve a desired change, think of a situation when you managed to do something similar. For instance, you might think you don’t have enough discipline. Just close your eyes and remember vividly the times when you were far more disciplined than required. See these situations through your eyes, feel them, and make them stronger. Hear the sounds.
That leads to increased excitement, which alters our biochemistry and neurological responses.
No to Goal Setting & Self-sabotage
Paul, coming back on stage shared that self-sabotage arises as a result of a conflict between our aspirations and hidden intentions, while our unconsciousness aims to protect us from undesired outcomes.
An example here would be people struggling to progress financially without realising that deep inside they fear that the moment they get rich they might get hurt. Those ingrained beliefs sometimes are rooted in our past or we could’ve inherited them from the environment we grew up in. Sometimes we might not be aware of our unconscious fears or limitations that have their best intention of protecting us and that can step in the way of what we want.
In this instance, it’s useful to utilise the resources of the future applying behaviours that’d help us achieve our aspirations.
Commenting on Goal setting, Paul said that instead of setting goals it’s far more powerful to manifest them.
First of all, as we might not always know the exact result or how to get there, it’s handy to practice visualisations to see more details of desired achievements. These responses come from our powerful unconscious, holding a pearl of greater wisdom than our creativity on a conscious level.
To get the answers, you need to imagine yourself achieving a desired outcome and, then step into that vision to see a final result that’ll help you figure out the action plan to get there.
Make sure to double-check this goal doesn’t conflict with your other ambitions or interests. Aka self-sabotage vaccine. Ask yourself: What achieving this goal will prevent you from achieving? What are the things you’ll have to give up on the way? And what are the potential obstacles that you might encounter?
Being aware and prepared for potential pitfalls, while manifesting your vision leads to a stronger focus, that assembles and unites your potential to fulfil your ambitions.
Don’t Confuse Pleasure With Happiness
According to recent research, the level of happiness hasn’t changed since the 1940s. Shared Paul. ‘A glass of champagne isn’t happiness.’
That was a timely comment where nowadays people have such a rich choice of distractions to feel good in a moment, yet not necessarily feel like they’re living fulfilled lives. True happiness, continued Paul, is based on values. And true wealth isn’t always about possessions.
‘Rich isn’t a new bed but a good sleep.’
And there’s a timeless value, in something that leads to happiness while saving from disappointment yet only a few people have that: ‘enough.’
Hesitation Art or Be Ready for Success
‘Sun rises every day,’ said Dr Bandler. ‘Believe ferociously in what you want to achieve.’
People often complain that it’s too late. Dr Bandler, said and shared, that he met once a successful musician who started at 43.
‘I just never tried it before to know that I’d be good at it,’ answered musician Richard’s question about why he started at that age.
‘More people are hesitating that there are those doing things. People don’t have depression — they do depression.
‘How do you know you’re depressed? Or anxious?’ Change the title — change the meaning.
Our neurology coupled with our unconscious creates our behaviour. To change the patterns we need to be clear about desired outcomes, let go of outdated beliefs that no longer serve us, and be willing to take action committing to a desired change.
Don’t be afraid to fail. A failure — is only a feedback.
I remembered once again an incident I’d well forgotten about yet the one that bugged me at the start of the workshop. Of missing the opportunity, being carried away with life getting in the way — it was how I was explaining things to myself, beating myself up for that. Yet, in reality, I realised and admitted the truth, I didn’t expect to hear Yes and wasn’t ready to act upon a suddenly arose opportunity.
We can carry on asking ourselves How we could’ve been less miserable and Why all this is happening to us.
Or we can step up, leaving the past behind and instead of berating ourselves, ask: What can I do differently next time? What do I truly want? Why is that important? And how can I get there?
